Friday, October 23, 2015

Author's Foreword

Hello, readers! Welcome to my blog! Before we get to the good stuff, let me give you some background and answer a few questions.


This is a blog about the many animals I have owned in my lifetime and how some of them have died in tragic, yet entertaining, ways. 

If I were to estimate how many pets I've owned in my lifetime:
5 and 1/2 cats
5 birds
15 fish (This is a conservative estimate, I think. I flushed at least 6 on my own.)
2 hermit crabs
20 dogs

I can't shake the feeling I'm forgetting someone. I fell asleep once while trying to count how many dogs I've owned. I find that it's actually more effective than counting sheep. But only if you've owned 20 dogs in your lifetime and also try to picture them when counting. If you haven't owned enough pets and suffer from insomnia, I suggest trying to memorize my list of pet names and reciting it to yourself before bed. If you don't suffer from insomnia or aren't that interested in what my pets were named you may skip the next section. 

Animal List

Old Blue
Pretty Rainbow Cat
Alice (plus a litter of kittens)
Brittany Beason
Cordelia (.5)

Birds: (*remembering names is hard)
Brown bird*
Blue bird*
Dan Quail
Marie Quail
White bird*

Notable fish: (I won't ask you to remember any others)

Hermit crabs: 

Gracie II
Lucy (plus two litters of puppies)

Sweet Pea

Mimsy (plus a litter of puppies)
Little Bit

I should note that this does not include the names of any puppies or kittens that we did not keep for a significant time period. If I were to include those numbers it might seem truly crazy, and I'm going for only mild insanity. (Fine. Including puppies and kittens this estimate of 47.5 pets comes to about 62.5. Spay and neuter your pets, folks.)

My family has also had three Great Danes which I will not include here because I never technically lived with these animals. But I feel fortunate to have skipped the period of time in which my family fell in love with huge, amazing dogs with relatively short lifespans. 


Question 1: Amanda, this is your first blog post. How is it that readers already have questions?
Answer 1: I've decided to make up some questions that I might encounter later! I'm just that proactive. 
(Comment 1: Great idea!)

Question 2: Why is this blog called "You're Gonna Get Runned Over"? 
Answer 2: It is named after a really catchy song my cousin wrote as a child. He used the song to taunt their newly-adopted kittens about their inevitable fate. I like to picture him holding a cat by the scruff of it's neck and singing this right in their face. It wasn't cruel. It was realistic and also pretty funny to watch. The colloquial language also highlights the theme of rural Texas that readers will encounter throughout this blog. And, as I've stated, this blog is about tragic and amusing animal deaths. 

Question 3: How do you sleep at night? 
Answer 3: I fall asleep by counting my dead dogs and trying to remember their names and faces. Have you not been paying attention? 

No comments:

Post a Comment